Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
