Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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