At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
