i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im holly from the hills drunk
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize