he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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