yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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