I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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