their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
