How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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