i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
