I wish I could teleport
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
