I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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