I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
