I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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