I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
