Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
