I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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