At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
