i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
