Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
