Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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