is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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