i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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