Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
