I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
