Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
