We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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