is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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