What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The uberlube is also flammable
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
