i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
