Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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