We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
