Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
