sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
