legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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