He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
