grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
