if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
