____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize