is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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