she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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