He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
