Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
