I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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