just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize