well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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