Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize