Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
