I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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