i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
