Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
