i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
