the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
