Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize