did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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