I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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