Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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