My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize