omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
