woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
