he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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