Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
