i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
