We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
