every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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