Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
