So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
