I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
