I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
