i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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