Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
