I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize