I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i dont even know how to be here
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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