Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize