the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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