he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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