Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize